Moving Forward

Wow.

So, it’s been a while since I actually wrote a blog post. A lot has happened in the time since I last posted something.

With regards to the important stuff, I think the most important thing is that I’ve decided to pursue creative writing. With this blog and my Instagram poetry account (@unpretty.poems, shameless plug) in mind, I feel that this is something so painfully obvious to me and I’m annoyed at myself for not realising that this is my calling sooner. It’s like when you’re searching for something in the fridge and for the life of you it isn’t there but as soon as you take a step back – it’s been on the shelf right in front of you the entire time. To me, this is kinda like that.

As I’m writing this I’m currently studying English Literature and Drama at the University of Manchester. Also, as I’m writing this, I know this isn’t where I want to be. The main reason being that Manchester doesn’t offer Drama and Creative Writing, knowing that this is the course I wish to follow. I also haven’t really connected with the city, and I feel pretty isolated here leaving me with a depressed mix of emotions, I guess that just plays a part in my thought process for leaving.

Therefore, I’ve decided to do what a few of my friends have called “risky” and “ballsy” (which aren’t exactly two adjectives you’d think of first when you think of ‘Ceri-Anne Gatehouse’, but I suppose they do actually apply here).  I am switching universities.

It’s weird because I’ve ALWAYS been someone decisive in the sense that when I’ve decided something I typically see it through and I’ve never really had any problems with thinking about my future because I’ve always had such a concise and clear plan in mind.  (In a really non-braggy way) Anything I’ve worked hard for and wanted, I’ve managed to achieve somehow, so through doing this I was pretty sure that this was another one of those things that I’d work hard for and get. It was. ‘Was’; past tense. I genuinely thought a few weeks ago that Manchester and Drama and English Literature was this plan, but I see now that it’s not. When I first arrived, I had a great weekend and met some great people who I’ll be extremely sad to miss (especially my girl, Olya). However, I got tonsillitis last week which not only meant that I missed out on freshers but also that I had SO MUCH time to think about who I am, what I want, and what I’m doing. I started to think about all of the things that make me happy; The Beacons Project, fiction, POETRY, Hay Festival, (ignoring the fact I haven’t posted in forever) blogging, and during this slumber I even came up with a book idea that I’m going to follow and see where it takes me. I am surrounded by creative writing in my day to day life and it brings me so much fulfilment that I am fully shocked that I didn’t realise this sooner. I want to work on my writing and I want to push myself creatively further than I have before so that one day I am the interviewee at Hay Festival rather than the interviewer.

After (numerous) sad and crying phone calls to my mam this idea of ‘why don’t I just pursue it?’ came to mind. I’d only ever really mentioned creative writing at degree level once to one of my best friends; Joanna, but I felt I’d already made my bed with English Literature and Drama; which I obviously enjoy otherwise I wouldn’t have decided on it in the first place. Yet, here I am… writing a blogpost… about leaving. I did actually go to an English Lit lecture on Monday just to see if I’d have a change of heart, but I hadn’t. As I sat studying Francis Bacon’s Essay ‘Of Friendship’ (1625); I knew I didn’t want to just study the work of other people but fully work on my own.

Naturally, this has caused a bit of a rush and a stressful week because I’ve been in Manchester for two weeks, but my insurance choice Royal Holloway, University of London is 1) still accepting applicants through clearing and 2) offering me a space on their course ‘Drama and Creative Writing’. So, tonsillitis and all the support from my family and close friends in mind… that is where I’m going to go. Massive shout-out to the following people for being nothing but honest and supportive during this time especially; my mam (sorry for not letting you sleep along with me), my nan, Goggy, Joanna & Gwen (all of those phone calls), Camila and Ieu (words of complete wisdom and logic), and anybody else that I did or almost cried to about the situation and my future.

I’m still in the process of applying for Royal Holloway and I obviously hope it all works out properly and I get there and accepted in time (it’s not a quick process haha), but I have confidence I’ll be okay no matter what. I guess I’ll know in the next week what the plan is! Also, I can kinda laugh at myself now because trust me to be the person who changes uni after two weeks (#makemanchhappen didn't quite work out).

As much as I complain about it, I suppose I should probably thank my awful immune system for this great epiphany as maybe I wouldn’t have come to this conclusion so *easily* without it. Everything happens for a reason and I’m excited to see what the future holds for me (even if it all falls through and I end up taking a gap year).